


King of the Clouds

by 48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Episode: s14e10 Nihilism, Gen, Possession, Spoilers, Trans Sam Winchester, and no one's gonna stop me, i make everything Sam centric, major tags are for possession implications, short thing I'm gonna expand on eventually, usual Sam Lucifer implications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 02:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17459093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue/pseuds/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue
Summary: Archangels like pretending that everyone's families are as messy as their own.





	King of the Clouds

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title a Panic! at the Disco Song.
> 
> Also, I find the lack of discussion of Sam being possessed by Lucifer in this ep to be suspicious considering they brought up Gadreel and we all know whose in the promo next week.
> 
> also how the heck did they go into Dean's mind while possessed and ignore Swan Song??? How???
> 
> this ep was still good though and I am glad spn is back and I am ready for next week!

"You don't mean that, Dean," Michael says. "You may lie to them, but deep down I know you..."

And Sam swallows, and hears the echo of something else, of, _"You were running towards me..."_

He knows the lie for what it is...

And how much it might not be one.

Only then Michael goes off script, "I am you."

Then he tries to rip Cas and Dean apart, and Sam still says nothing, stays quiet, because this is a battle Dean needs to win in his own name, to keep hold of who he is, because only finding his strength can he cast Michael out, and he needs to do this for himself.

And the truth is, Sam's fighting a battle inside his own head, just as Dean's fighting the good fight now that he knows what's going on, because you don't spend thousands of years downstairs with two archangels without them trying to pick you apart, and the only way Michael can gain the upper hand is if he keeps half his attention on Sam, too.

He knows a threat when he sees it, and knows how far Sam and Dean will go to keep the other from falling off the edge.

Or, in Sam's case, how easily he fell downstairs, and took two Archangels with him.

"And Sam-" Michael starts in.

Sam's nostrils flare and his fists clench, but he still stays quiet when Michael tries the next avenue of attack, speaking with that false camaraderie that Sam recognizes from the Cage, even though this Michael is different...

Yet not quite different enough.

"Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting." Michael's barb hits, dully, but close enough.

And Sam thinks of Stanford, of how it feels like another lifetime flashing before his eyes, and Jess, burning, and all the times he saw that replay in Hell while Lucifer let the flames lick up their fingers as he laughed and laughed and laughed-

And then it's all Sam has not to think of another time he quit, of when Dean said, "Pick a hemisphere." And Sam tended a bar of his own, all while he tried not to fall under the thrall of a never-talked about secret, of all the things Lucifer whispered using Jessica's voice and all the things he did using her skin inside Sam's dreams, as Nick and not as Nick, while he waited to wear Sam himself, and how alone Sam was back then just as he was at school, and how alone Dean won't be, now, not if he has anything to say about it- 

"See, deep down he knows that you will always abandon him, again, and again..."

But that hasn't been true. Not for years, and years, and years, and while Sam might have left Dean for a thousand lifetimes when he first dove into Hell and while Sam had left him alone while his soul was still trapped and while the Leviathans took everything Sam had left to hold on to and Dean was dead and gone...

Now, Sam isn't going anywhere. Sam's here, right here, right now.

And he would protect his brother. He's not scared of Michael. Lucifer has always been worse, and he's faced them both down before.

And Michael will be damned all over again if the archangel thinks he can keep his brother and destroy the world Sam's been dying every day to save after he's saved it, and after they've broken it, and after they've saved it time and again.

After Dean told him he wouldn't give up, that he was right here-

Well, Sam's here, right here, and he's not leaving him. Just like Dean didn't leave him. They will not always end up here, they **won't** -

And even as Michael continues, Sam doesn't have to say anything, because that's when Dean finds his voice, that's when he starts fighting the good fight, even if Sam, deep in the back of his mind, wonders if Dean still thinks he would leave him when it counted.

(And Sam tries not to think of Purgatory, of when he thought Dean was dead for real, and all the ways Lucifer would laugh at him behind the corners of his eyelids while Sam pretended to be fine and let Amelia anchor him to a life that would never feel real so long as Dean was dead, but Sam hadn't known he wasn't in Heaven.)

But they aren't there now. They are together, still fighting the good fight, and no Archangel was gonna stay inside anyone's head. Not this time.

When Michael says, "You don't need them. You don't even like them. They are not your family-"

 _"I'm your real family."_ (Lucifer's smile twitches in the corners of Sam's mouth, false lack of guile burning with a want that Sam couldn't hide from and didn't know how to fight, because that's what kind of drowning this is, that's what it always is-)

But it's when Michael says Dean wants this-

That's when Sam can't stay quiet any more.

 _You let me in. You wanted me, partner._  Lucifer's whisper curls, a chill prickling at the back of Sam's neck, and outside Sam's body flinches, like it can feel Lucifer walking the earth inside Nick's skin all over again...

Sam can't let this go the same way. Not for Dean.

Not when he knows how this already ends. Not when he knows what it's like to be chained to something brighter than a sun and colder than the deepest sea and when it feels like eternity, like they own you, will own you forever, and that they can make you _want_ this, make you feel full and alive and too much, even when you don't want it at all-

"That's not true." Sam whispers. (It's not no, but it's close enough, even when the monsters don't listen to no and never have and never will...)

Then the Archangel turns on him, and Dean's mind shudders, because they are all trapped here together, minds melded, Sam's and Dean's memories flickering over one another, and for all of the things Sam left behind, he's always been psychic, and a subconscious meeting of minds is hard to keep from running wild-

 _(There's a mirror and a face staring back at them, before the flames of Hell and screeching chains and overlapping memories of Hell play on loop against one another, Dean's memories of being strung up on the rack and his flayed throat and flayed soul calling out, "Sam, Sammy!"  flooding the room along with_ _Sam's silent, heaving cries for his brother when he has no vocal chords because Lucifer ripped them out-)_

Then they are at the bar again, Castiel's fluttering, barely-flickering grace keeping them all afloat. He is hand in hand with Sam, and he's reaching out for Dean, wings out, grace close enough to reach him-

Dean clutches his shoulder and heaves in a shaky breath.

Sam keeps his head upright and keeps staring down Michael, the one wearing Dean's face, and it's always worse when they do that-

The nightmares stay with you forever, when you see them walking in your skin.

"It's not true." Sam says, louder, this time, stepping forward, between the Archangel and his brother. 

"You can't cast me out, Sam." Michael says, too light, eyes still narrowed. "And Dean doesn't want to-"

And Sam looks at his brother, all the weight of Hell weighing on his shoulders, lifetimes and lifetimes of living through an Archangels whims for the sake of the world- for his brother, the brother who brought him back to himself- clear as day on his face.

"Dean, you can do this, you can, I know you can-"

"Sammy," Dean whispers, and it's the same broken way he talks when he pretends Alastair still doesn't haunt him, it's the same voice he gets after he has a nightmare where Sam or Dad or Cas is dead, and Sam knows that voice too well. Knows the same broken feeling of feeling like you missed a step and are just falling, because who knows what might come to break you next, and he doesn't feel strong enough, he's never felt strong enough, and Sam knows what he has to do.

"Dean, I'm right here." Sam says, and Michael takes a step forward to try and silence Sam before it all comes crashing down- "Cas and me. We're right here, with you. And we're not gonna leave you. We're in this together, Dean. Team Free Will."

And Dean's mindscape flickers to one hotel, Castiel passed out on the bed, and Sam drawing back a shot with him as Dean laughs,  _"Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie, one dropout with six bucks to his name, and Mr. Comatose over there. Awesome."_

And Michael can see he's losing his grip, losing ground, and Sam's memory of being beaten to a pulp rises over the cresting wave of his memories but doesn't stop Sam from fighting, for fighting for Dean when he won't fight for himself-

"And you don't need us to cast him out, Dean. You can do this. Cas and I, we believe in you. We always have," Sam encourages, and hugs his brother.

Dean's face twists. "Sam, I don't know how to get him out-"

"That's okay, Dean. It's okay." Sam promises. "Because we're not gonna leave you-"

And every rushing memory fades to Stull Cemetery, where they can feel Dean's split lip like it's their own, and they are looking up from the grass, Sam's arms out as he falls down, down, down-

Dean tackles Michael inside the closet.

"I am the Cage." Dean repeats, over, and over.

_**And you aren't getting out.** _

Dean's thoughts roar, and then Sam and Cas are thrown out of Dean's head and brought back into the real world, Dean right alongside them, having successfully come to his own rescue.

And Sam takes stock of his own body (like he always does, has since Gadreel, and even earlier) and pretends he still doesn't feel the stilted echoes of Lucifer scratching at the back of his head.

They might not have won the war.

But they won something, here, something stronger than the bonds of family, transcendent beyond a destiny that's tried to chew them up and spit them out...

And that's what matters.

There is always another way. They have staked everything on that.

And one way or another, they'd helped dig each other out of the ground and keep that dream alive.

Maybe God was out of the picture.

But free will is alive and well.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a little miffed Alt Michael is like knock off s5 Lucifer done mediocre-ly but I still love that dynamic, I just wish they paralleled it with Sam and Lucifer more and gave Michael more stuff because I really like his overall motives and the Chuck meta.
> 
> i also wanted more of being inside Dean's head, like when he argued with himself in the earlier seasons, but maybe we'll get that some other time hopefully?
> 
> anyway i'm probably one of the few people interested in probably Lucifer coming back because even if the writer's fuck it up, I live for the twisted fresh hell that is evil Samifer so I will have content to work with either way
> 
> Donna better be fucking okay though, and they better let Sam kick ass.
> 
> other thoughts: so long as they blur Sam out of the frame I will be as aggressively Sam centric as possible even though I'd be that way anyway


End file.
